Jesus is alive! Part Two

My friend S. was with me in church, when I felt the presence of god and afterwards she told me, that this was my rebirth in christ.
What a wonderful day that was!!!
Some time ahead she told me that there also is a baptism in the holy spirit.
I never heard of it and didn't know what it meant.
She told me that it is important, because it means eternal life and I couldn't fall again. And it is also important when you are preaching on the streets and try to lead people to jesus, which I wished to do.
When you are reborn you want to tell the whole world about jesus and that he is alive and not just a metaphor or anything!
She gave me a collection of books about the holy spirit and what it means to be a christian etc..
The wish to tell other people about jesus grew and grew. I wanted for them to experience the same, to come to jesus like me. I had good reasons to wish for the baptism in the holy spirit and I was very hungry for god's word. So I read as much about him as I could. It feels so natural.
I asked god to help me, because I wanted to talk to other people, so they could come to him.
I told him that I just didn't know how to do that without the baptism.
I prayed a lot and talked to god and also my friend S. one day sat with me and prayed for me and I felt the presence of the holy spirit. It is like a cloud of energy and you also feel it touch your body. But something was keeping me away from fully receiving it.
I saw the light with my inner eye and felt the holy spirit, but something was wrong.
I tried it myself and I felt the spirit, but still something was not working. I stayed calm all the time, because I knew it couldn't be forced. And it felt like it wanted to come to me. I realized that something within me was avoiding it.
The third time I sat with S. again and I told her what was going on. That I was feeling the spirit, but that there was a block within me. I said to her, while I was realizing it more at that moment, that I felt too unclean to receive it. I said I was not good enough, while I was crying.
I didn't deserve it, I said.
Then S. showed me in a very visual way, that there was nothing I could do to deserve this. No one could!
Only through the mercy and grace of god could it be received. It is a gift.
Within this gift we receive his purity in front of god, without any guilt or shame, so we can get to heaven for all eternity.
Something within me clicked at that moment.
After some time I was sitting in an internet-cafe in Wedding. A muslim, turkish, internet-cafe!
I was scrolling the videos on youtube and chose a movie, the gospel of john.
Shortly after the scene, when Jesus was baptized by John in the movie, the atmosphere around me changed. A strong energy was surrounding me, but in a very sweet way and I felt how my heart was filled with the love to Jesus Christ and it was overflowing. It is so hard to discribe it in words. It is indiscribable actually. But it it the sweetest, overwhelming feeling.
And I was noticing words coming up in my mind, that I hadn't known... I knew it was the speaking in tongues, but I was near people so I started not to talk in tongues loudly, but I was whispering in tongues and kept my head down. I was afraid the would get me and put me in hospital, lol.
But I felt so blessed and so happy.
From this day on, after this happening Jesus lives inside us and shapes us into the being we were meant to be from the beginning of all creation. It was all planned by god.
Our senses and our gut-feeling are sharpened, when we do something god does not like or if we move into a wrong direction. And when we pray or read the bible we can feel god's presence.
When I read the bible I can more easily understand what is really said  and he talks to me and god leads me through his word.
But the best thing ever is that I have a real relationship with him now!
I am his child now forever and nothing can ever tear us apart.

I simply wish that all people can experience just that. That their lifes are touched by him and that he heals their hearts and gives them peace.
I am not angry or bitter for what I had to go through before my blessing.
God prepared me and put me in a state where I was empty, noticing that I couldn't do nothing myself.
I was empty so god could fill me up!!!
God always uses things for his own plan, which are a great mistery sometimes.
I think maybe he gave me the understanding of what it is like for people in the state I was in, so I could have more sensitivity and empathy for them.
Now I have someone at my side who always is helping me, has my back and understands me, like I once was wishing, when the world seemed to have turned its back on me.
God bless you all! All you people who read this.
If you haven't already, please turn to the Lord for he is the only way to heaven.
I pray that he follows you and pulls you to him, the he may reveal himself to you!
God's love and understanding is bigger than we can every imagine and he understands every single one of us, because he became human, but stayed pure and was without sin!
If you have questions or need to know anything, please write a comment or contact me.
I love to read comments. Or maybe you have an experience you want to share with me!
God bless you!